Musings... 8/12/09 spam is icky ona@onameyer.com is no more... there was smoke coming from the spam filters. my junk mail folder was bloated. gotta trash it. so from now on, add a 1 after the first name (before the @, that is), and that's my new primary address. :) 1/31/09 Wow... Had no idea the site was down, oops. If that isn't an indication of how crazy life has been for the last 2 years, I don't know what is. Brent and I got married back in November and the honeymoon in Antigua was a total trip down the rabbithole. The pics of the wedding are up at Shutterfly. Quite frankly it was time to wave 2008 goodbye... 2009 is looking pretty insane so far too. C'est la vie, I suppose. Why hasn't a reality show come out yet that features CEO death matches? It's time, I'd say. 3/27/07 Cosmic Elephant! I'd like to drop a quick hello and thank you to Derrik over at Cosmic Elephant for adding my tunes to his Internet radio station. You're looking good, Derrik. Cheers!!! 12/19/06 Three ways Everyone I know has had moments in which they felt like they were going to break right in half. (And of course I have too -- maybe even more than some others because whatever it is that drives me to be a musician is also what makes me internalize, etc.) And wow, are those ever some long moments. Something I've been pondering lately is this... in those times when it seems like your world is going to hell in a handbasket, though, be it on one front or many, remember: at some point in the future, a week, a month, a year -- one of three things is going to happen. It will get better, or it will make sense, or it won't matter. Improvise, adapt, overcome. Have faith. Hold on. 9/17/06 "I'm in a box..." Hmm... question. Is it human nature to fight boundaries that we don't set ourselves, or is that a trait reserved for only those who are (at least somewhat) emotionally claustrophobic? We all have certain constraints under which we operate day to day, in our work, in romantic relationships (under the name of respect, at the very least!), familial responsibilities, the social contract that gives you the assurance that your next door neighbor won't sever your right arm with a chainsaw, those kinds of things... but are we more open to embrace those things to which we don't feel tethered or obligated? (Is that why so many marriages fail?) E.g.... there is FAR more pleasure in giving to a worthy cause than shelling out for a hot summer's electric bill... You get the idea. No conclusions here yet, just pondering. ...This is coming from a lass who, at the age of 4 or so, told her grandfather when he told her she couldn't do something "Wanna make a bet?" I can't say I'm all *that* different now. Hehehe.... 9/10/06 New song, woohoo..... I'm excited!!!! Go listen: How To Walk Away From Love 9/9/06 A dawning... I'm excited... very likely will FINALLY start playing out soon. Or rather, singing, anyway. CC & I are working on an acoustic set & we're both pleased with how it's coming along thus far. We won't be working on my tunes right out of the gate, but that'll come. What was that you said, Kevin? All roads lead to the stage? ;) 8/17/06 Disconcertia This is officially a new Ona word for the feeling you get with that deer-in-the-headlights look. Disconcertia. LOL....... 8/11/06 Survival, forgiveness, and forward steps There are times in our lives when we are forced to take a surgical approach to things.... One day you wake up and you realize (usually with indescribable pain) that there are only two things left to do: forgive, and start over. I can't say that I wish this moment of clarity on anyone (you don't get any anesthesia with this kind of surgery, my friends), but I will say that you will *absolutely* know it when it hits you. And what happens on the other side? Well..... healing. (I so wish I could have a conversation with Bob Martin right now.) ... and.... back to our regularly scheduled Friday programming...... 7/9/06 Just a couple notes Yeah, so I'm gonna revoke my own artistic license if I don't release something new soon. :/ Most blog updates are over at MySpace now... Oh yeah, and I just discovered Marconi Union. Oh. My. Goodness. Go listen, NOW. Happy Birthday (7/7) to my gorgeous sister-in-law!!!! 5/24/06 iTunes individual tracks Don't know what happened with the track listing on "Holding" at iTunes when I originally posted it (only the CD as a whole was available), but in any case, it's fixed now! Here's a little how-ya-doin' from Andrea & me at the wedding reception last weekend! 5/11/06 iTunes, baby!!!! "Holding" finally made it to Apple iTunes!!! WOOOHOOOO!!!!! 5/8/06 I've moved, kinda... The blog on MySpace is so convenient... so that's where I am for now, ladies & jellyspoons. Go see... 5/1/06 Take me away! I used to be a morning person. Lately, not so much. That's one key to knowing how desperately I need a vacation. May is going to be impossible, but I think a week off in June would suit me nicely. *sigh* The apparition fades... 4/30/06 MySpace Woo... I'm finally up on MySpace. I was surprised to see so many bands there... why I was surprised, I'm not sure -- just was. There's a lot to discover there, yes, but you know, I sit in front of the !#@*(&$!(@ PC quite enough as it is. There's still a world outside that calls. And there is music to play and songs to write. 4/26/06 HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MOM & DAD! I would like to wish Stan & Gail Meyer a VERY HAPPY 35th wedding anniversary!!!! They're in Hawaii celebrating, how awesome is THAT??? I'm so proud of them. A long-standing happy marriage is such a rare gem, and I'm tremendously blessed to be a part of this family. ---------------------------------------------- Why are you standing in the doorway? There are angels waiting for you here Why do you wait by the window For a vision you've already seen to appear? 4/25/06 Moo! Man... I have been BUSTING it at the gym and what reward do I get? A slide to the right on the scales! Yick!!! Yick yick yick!!!! Ooooh -- TWO new song ideas tonight. I love the creative process. It can be so random sometimes, methodical at others. You can't put it in a box, that's for sure. In any case, it appears to be paying off to be spending more time with the guitars. I've wanted to have that passion for guitar for a long time, and simply could not make it come... but that's changing, and it is ever so cool. (Quote of the day: "Barbie zygotes. Sounds like a punk band." Courtesy: K.) 4/24/06 How....? How did Monday get here again so fast? :/ 4/23/06 The joys of a 340, part 2 Here are a few videos from Justin's runs at the dragway... Here's a run from the 7th. Check out the lift off... Cuda vs. Pinto -- very cool race. Had a dream last night that I could use Sari as a raft. ??? 4/22/06 The joys of a 340? Watched Justin drag race last night -- WOW was that ever exciting! Talk about power. I'm gonna try to upload some quick video clips here shortly. It's raining... we need it, so I'm not complaining, but I can see this turning into one laaaaaazy Saturday..... ...Evening... yeah, so I had a lousy workout today, just wasn't into it. Did back & bis. The only redeeming point to it was doing the stack (310#) on back extensions, just to see if I could do it. I don't know if it was really that hot or not, sometimes the machines aren't true to the weight they indicate. That's why I like freeweights; they don't lie... but today was not a freeweight kind of day. Oh well. Hokay, back to my geetar.... 4/20/06 Danger kitty! Got a new video phone last night... new toy!!! Wheeee!!!! 4/18/06 :/ Ever had a really good reason to be mad, and have it fuel your workouts like crazy because you could vent at the gym and just get it all out? What happens if you're not mad anymore, do you turn into spaghetti-legs?? I wonder why the mind warps timelines... say for example something happened a month ago, but you think back on it & it registers as more like three months ago... and something that happened three months ago feels like a year ago.... things from a year ago feel like yesterday. Yesterday just feels like yesterday though. Heck, sometimes today feels like yesterday. ~tilt~ 4/17/06 Ahhhh.... Feels good to be doing some tracking again. I've been slacking since the CD release. I'm torn, because I want to focus on playing out, the 2nd CD, and getting Holding more visible, but it's impossible to do all three. Arrghh. Hehehe... Saturday on the way to the track I had a suicide -- remember those? You get a little bit of everything at the soda fountain. I used to have them after softball games as a kid. Hmm...wait a minute, they didn't have orange Hi-C or Fanta, an essential ingredient... guess it was just an attempted suicide. Ha!!! It's the little things, you know. ;) 4/16/06 Happy Easter / Resurrection Sunday! 4/15/06 Hope ya got yer taxes done! The coffee list I'm sitting at the kitchen table enjoying my french-press-raspberry-cream coffee (mmmmmm!) and pondering who I'd like to sit down with and enjoy some... more for the conversation than the coffee of course, but here in the West coffee isn't just coffee anyway, it's a social thing. Food in general is social here. Perhaps it's that way around the world, I don't know. But I digress... so, my coffee / conversation with, in no particular order, and for various & sundry reasons, would include: *John Cusack *Hugh Jackman *Mel Gibson *Eddie Izzard *Jesus *Dr. Laura Schlessinger *C. S. Lewis ...Actually in most of these cases I would just listen. I might ask a couple questions, but I'd much rather listen... and hopefully share a laugh or two. Easter Weekend.... I wonder what was going through the minds of Christ's followers on this day in 33 A.D. Were they wondering what was going to happen next? Were they mourning? Did they feel they'd been deserted? Betrayed by their faith? Fooled? Did they abandon their hope? Or were they holding their breath with excitement at what He'd promised? Were those days of unconquerable faith? Or is there really nothing new under the sun (meaning, are the fears we carry now representations of the same doubts believers suffered two millennia ago)? Think I'll go read Ecclesiastes again.... Off to watch the Kid race!!! Wooo! 4/14/06 Good Friday! How did Good Friday get its name? I mean, it really wasn't that hot of a day for Christ, He certainly didn't name it that. (Not to appear irreverent here, that just always struck me as being a bit ironic.) Ah, but it *was* good for us, now wasn't it? And I don't mean because it's a day off. And when the stone was rolled away 3 days later, that was even better. So, got my new phone... again. I'm going to write a complaint on these phones, this is just ridiculous. I was looking at new ones last night & the CDM8945 looks very cool. I'd like the flix messaging, I think. (Could be bad!) Didn't like the RAZRs, just too awkward. (Why am I putting cell phone crap on my blog?) Anyway, so.... oh, Eddie Izzard -- if you haven't checked out his stand-up routine, you must, you must, you must. Not for kids' ears, but he will absolutely keep the adults rolling. The man is a genius. And one short shuffle from insanity. 4/13/06 Electric girl I just killed my 5th cell phone (all same model) in as many months. Wow. It's dead dead. Suppose I'll be stopping by Verizon this evening. Maybe I'll trade it in for one of those new RAZRs or something. *sigh* 4/11/06 Ow. So Justin & I went to the cages last night... and because all the other cages were taken (smart batters), we ended up in the so-fast-we-can't-help-but-look-like-idiots cage. Yeah, THAT went well. Then I got a REALLY bright idea and decided to break out the new glove in said cage to see... well, to see how many times I could bruise my hand before it went numb. The answer is somewhere around 40. Oh, and I definitely throw like a girl. 4/10/06 You know what? It's going to be a good week! Good things are happening, the seeds are breaking soil... The only thing that would mess me up this cette semaine is the time change. For some reason it always takes a week to hit me. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........... 4/8/06 1 am Crap. Forgot what I was gonna say... 4/5/06 Odd dreams as of late Last night I had a dream that I was walking in a hallway in a hospital and an elderly woman (around 90-ish) was on the floor, having collapsed. She couldn't move because she was in such pain. I picked her up and carried her to the ER of the hospital, where a doctor ran an EKG and some bloodwork. The EKG showed a ton of abnormalities and her liver enzymes had skyrocketed... the inference was that she'd been an alcoholic all her life, and the doctor gave her a look like "shame on you" as though he knew her and her story and did not approve. Suddenly the EKG spelled out something on the monitor, in cursive writing... but what did it say? I can't remember now. But clearly she the woman was dying. The curve became weaker and weaker, then flatlined. In a panic, I hovered over her side and asked her if she'd accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior (I'm not so sure that's verbatim, but that was the point of it) -- she either already had or did right then as she flatlined, and she said something along the lines of "You're a good one." And then she was gone. I remember looking at her lips, the suddenly lifeless curve of her lips, and that was how I knew. I'll refrain from going into a lot of commentary / introspection here because it's just too close to home, really... but death dreams are always pointed, in my eyes. I've seen my own death in dreams by gunshot execution, airplane crash, tornado... I think that's it. I've seen a boatload of others' deaths in dreams... people I loved, people I knew, people I didn't know, it's all kind of rattling sometimes. You might suspect I've watched too much TV & that's what kicks off these crazy dreams, but the truth is that it's extremely rare that I do. What I mean by "rare" is that the only time I turn it on is to watch a DVD. TV references are largely lost on me. I had no idea who Jack Bauer was until about 6 months ago. I've STILL never seen an episode of American Idol. It's just downright unAmerican, innit? Okay, this was a heavier entry than I originally meant for it to be. I'll try to keep it light tomorrow. Oh, speaking of heavy... had a good day at the gym today. Grabbed 120# on my last set of lat rows (not well, mind you, but technically it happened) and bumped up my seated triceps dips to 110#. I didn't have much left for my shoulder work & curls, but I'll take the day as a victory all the same. (And yesterday I kicked up my squats to 115# too! Wooohoo!) I'm a monster. Grraaarrr. 4/3/06 The sound of thunder Quite a storm brewing here this evening. The sky is an interesting, warm pinkish-gray hue and there's thunder rolling in the distance. It's actually quite tranquil at the moment... it's quiet but for the windchimes singing their song and the first few drops of rain. You should come join me. 4/1/06 Ha. Yeah, laugh it up. Ha. Ha. Happy April Fools' Day. It's only 8:18 AM and someone already got me. Said he left his studio unlocked last night and all his guitars were stolen. I thought he was gonna find a nice tall bridge. Ugh.... Okay, off to get the day started, hopefully the pranks will be harmless, eh? 3/31/06 What to say... Cleaned up a bunch of old emails today. Delete, delete, delete. I like the delete key. It's almost like a reset button. On to the next chapter, ladies & gentlemen. Hey, what do you have if you have no hope? You have nothing. Absolutely nothing. I pray that everyone who lays eyes on these words never (or never again) loses their hope... hope in God, hope in the power of love. I know, I know, it sounds cliché, and we ALL have reasons to be jaded, but please don't ever let your hope die. Sweet song of the day: Default's "Count On Me." Go listen. ;) 3/30/06 "Will you come home and play with me?" That's the question I was asked by 4-yr old Madison when I was hanging out with some friends last night. It was too cute. SHE was too cute! Man, she was a little pistol though! Reminds me of another time when I was at the ice rink one night at a public session... a family I didn't know (extended family, grandparents, cousins, the whole clan) were out for the occasion. Amongst them was a toddler, 2-ish, whose name was Jacob, as I later found out. So anyway, I'm sitting there on one of the benches, and he walks right over to me from across the spectator area and puts his head in my lap. His mom followed in tow a few moments later (she didn't know me from Adam at this point) and she gives me an amused look and says "I can't believe he just did that! He won't even go to his grandmother!" So she takes him back, and a few minutes later he comes over AGAIN and puts his arms up in a gesture for me to pick him up. So I did, and brought him back to Mom again. Now, keep in mind, no one remembers this but me, but I'm telling you, it was one of those moments when it felt like Heaven opened up and showed me something beautiful. That's the only way I know how to describe it. 3/26/06 I love weekends! Okay, well, I love weekends in which the weather is nice and I'm free to roam about the country. (Still have a ton to do, but I can do it at my own pace!) A whine... I am sore ALL OVER from Thursday night at the cages, then killing my abs on Friday. (Don't like working abs!) My whole midsection feels bruised, and my rear delts don't know what hit them (actually they do -- 150 balls). And I usually do *something* with legs every day, so they've kinda had it with me right now too. But all this tells me where to focus next, which is cool. Time to get ready for church... Edit... I've been shocked SIX TIMES so far this morning. By the microwave twice, the kitchen sink, hallway light switch, clothes dryer twice. !@(*&$%@#(*%@#&%(^!!!!!!!!!! 3/25/06 All over the map I have a TON to do this weekend. But forget that for a moment. I'm listening to the native edit of "Staggered" right now. I haven't listened to it in quite some time. Hats off to Paul Russell & Harold Bolder for their remixes (both of which appear on the cd), but the original holds a special place in my heart. I can't put my finger on exactly what it is that I believe so effectively captured what I wanted it to, but it did just that. Been thinking about this whole "need" thing this week (see Thursday's note). After engaging in a couple lively conversations on the matter I can appreciate a perspective that is somewhat softer than my own, but I've not relented on my rather Spartan viewpoint (which pretty much curtails the definition of 'need' at physiological / safety aspects). This morning I Googled Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (without a doubt the most interesting topic in my Org Behavior class), take a look at this entry from Wikipedia to see what I mean. Anyway, my own thoughts are still marinating and mingling with others'. It's fascinating, really. And K, don't think for a moment I'm getting soft! ;) 3/24/06 If people had warning labels Okay, this is funny. I got to thinking about warning labels that we see on consumer products and how they could be useful for people! Go with me here... *For entertainment purposes only! *Do not use if seal is broken! *May be habit-forming! *Explicit lyrics! *Refrigerate after opening! (Dude! Chill!!!) *May cause dizziness (or nausea, or whatever ailment you like)! *Shake well before use! *Flammable! (Everyone knows someone who needs this label!) If I had one it'd probably be "Do not follow too closely!" There's no telling where I'm going! Hehehehe.... We went to the batting cages last night. I had NO idea how it was gonna go, but as it turned out, there was no shame in my hitting! Even did some switch-hitting, and that went better than it ever has! What a pleasant surprise, considering it's been YEARS since I've swung a bat. I wanna go back this weekend! 3/23/06 Zzzzzzzzz.... I've had two dreams in the last couple nights that someone was trying to kill me. I'll have to look it up to see what that means. Probably just some stressful situation's manifestation (but I'm not any more stressed than usual!), or perhaps the subconscious harbinger of change. If all goes well, we're headed to the cages tonight. Let's hope I can wake up by then. Zzzz... A few random thoughts... 'cause I'm good for those... *Who invented kissing? *Do men need to be needed? Do all men need to be needed? By whom? What all for? 3/22/06 The only decent comeback I'll have this month I just had a funny conversation with a friend who's getting married soon... He just picked up their wedding bands and I made the comment that I was sure they were gorgeous (I didn't see them). He said "They better @#$*#% be! Boy, the guy gets screwed [in this deal]!" To which I said: "He gets the GIRL, dear." ;) 3/21/06 It's officially spring, but... ...it's 33 degrees outside. I don't think I'll be wearing open toed shoes today. Holy cow, lightning JUST struck as I was typing that. A winter thunderstorm. Bizarre!!!!!! Dragging the family out to the batting cages tonight! This is going to be hilarious!!! And potentially very very embarassing! Ha! Hey Mr. Furry -- you're right, I am indeed the queen of exclamation points!!!! Love, 3 of 5. 3/20/06 900 miles I went to Denny's memorial service Saturday. What an amazing family. *sigh* 900 miles in one day. The drive down was effortless. The drive back, not so much. I turned the cd player off and just rode with my thoughts. Silence. Prayer. Jukebox in my head. All kinds of subjects... Movies of memories. Movies of hopes and imaginations. "What if"s. "Why did I"s. "Why didn't I"s. Wishes.... wishes that I had said goodbye. Wishes that I had repaid the kindness I'd been shown. Wishes that I were not so selfish. Ah, but to quote my own song... "But the wishes lie weightless in the palm of my hand." The point of that feeling is to change one's action going forward, right? I know I go on my tirades about words from time to time, but today I'm taking a reprieve from that. Today I'm going to ponder some of the sweetest things ever said to me and memorialize them here. Thus, in no particular order: "I'm still here." "You're still the right girl, even if he's not the right guy." "You're a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul." "I love you, and always will." (This would be on anyone's list!) "It's not fair for someone your age to have a voice like that." "If I were him I'd already have a ring on your finger." "If there is any justice in this world you'll get picked up by a label before long." I know there are more, but I'm having trouble remembering some of the others right now. But thinking on these things makes me smile inside and out. I'll add more later as I bring them back to mind. Talked with Heather for an hour & a half last night. I SO want them (her & Joel) to move back here... that is so selfish though, isn't it? Gah... 3/16/06 No apt title, really I received news last night that a man who was dear to me passed away. Denny Enloe. He's survived by his wife (Lois, beautiful both inside and out) and two very cool sons (Ben & Micah). Denny had a heart of pure gold. He never had a cross word for or about anyone. He'd give you the shirt of his back if you needed it. He lived his life in unparalleled integrity, and I had the privilege of being both his friend and his employee back in Florida. Team Earth lost a star, but at least I know he's finally breathing without pain and in the company of angels. I'll miss you, Denny. Speaking of integrity: what a huge thing. It's probably a person's most defining characteristic. It bleeds into everything from how they view (and treat!) relationships & commitment to whether or not they take pens from work. And I'm talking about myself, too, not behind the pulpit here. I've had conversations with people about doing the right thing (gotta love Dr. Laura), and sure, the point is to encourage them to always do so, but it's also to remind myself of the same. Every day we're faced with little decisions, and sometimes big decisions, to take the high road or the low (or convenient). And let's face it, the high road can really bomb at times, but what price for a clear conscience? Conscience... the moral law of God written upon the heart. I can't recall off the top of my head whether or not that's Biblical. I think it is. But don't send me up the creek if it's not, ok? I also can't recall whether or not it's in the Bible anywhere that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Seems like I saw that somewhere, or perhaps it's been adapted from a verse. Ehh... in any case, it's certainly true in my experience. What a gift it would be to be able to clearly see what is behind others' eyes? And for that matter, to see *through* their eyes? Do I make it too thick here, too deep? I wonder. If it is, oh well. I'm human, real, inconsistent, strong-willed, sometimes steel, sometimes frail, sometimes warrior, sometimes waif. Always Ona. Take me or leave me. Lifehouse's "Sick Cycle Carousel" is playing on Launchcast now. How appropriate at this moment. 3/13/06 Basking... ...in the serene sound of new windchimes. What sweet noise. Plus, it's a warm, breezy night and there's a full moon afloat on the horizon. Hey Christina, if you ever see this, happy birthday, girl. It's been 15 years, but I'll never forget you. 3/12/06 On a desert island... If I were stuck on a desert island and somehow I had a choice of ten things to have with me, here are the things I'd want around: *My Lifehouse CDs. *Something to play 'em on. (And a lifetime supply of batteries, I guess.) *My Dake's Reference Bible. *My photo albums. *A piano. (Hey, nobody said anything about a weight restriction.) *A guitar. Preferably my 12-string. *Um... food. *And water. *A soft pillow, a body pillow & a down comforter. And yes, these count as one thing. *Clothes. (What the heck, right?) Or, at least, those are my answers today. Meh.... should have included a volleyball with which to converse, right? Okay, gym developments... 25s on incline dumbbell flyes, 90 on seated triceps dips is getting too easy, 75 is comfortable on wide-grip lat pulldowns. Curls & bench aren't where I want them to be, but I'll take the other advances all the same. I wish I could spend 2 hours a day at the gym. Yeah, yeah, I'm a beast. Whatever. Oooh!!! X3 is coming out in May!!!! Hugh, PLEASE let me have your baby!!!!! ;) Man.... my cacti never bloomed this year. Figures. I can't even get a cactus right. Better stick with silk, huh? 3/10/06 DON'T DO IT!!! Friday PSA: DO NOT change lanes in the middle of the freaking intersection! That is so dangerous! I wish I had a paintball gun that would fire paintballs that'd splat all over someone's windshield and spell out the word "MORON!!!" Ugh! okay, happy thoughts... happy thoughts... happy thoughts... 3/6/06 The mother of all hockey fights! Heather sent me this link to a Romanian hockey fight this morning. Great stuff!!!! Heheheh.... 3/5/06 Sunday, 5 AM and why am I up? There was a Marine working out at my gym yesterday. How'd I know he's a Marine? He was wearing a Marines T-shirt and definitely working it like only the Marines do. What inspiration! As for me, well, my left knee started acting up again, so I couldn't do much in the way of running, but I did get some great leg presses in. That's the funny thing about my knee, it doesn't like any kind of cardio when it's unhappy, but it doesn't seem to be bothered by weightlifting one whit. Another argument for the "Ona was built for strength & not speed" postulate. Okay... deconstruction & demystification of the Mad-Libs spawned myth... I might have to do this in a series, because the theory is incomplete. Maybe I'll put it on a separate page. (One disclaimer -- I'm sure some Ph.D. has already come up with all this, so I'm not taking credit where it's not due. These are just observations and ponderings of my own. Adopt at your own risk! Ha!) It's human nature to familiarize and compartmentalize things as adults. (Some of us are worse about the compartmentalization bit than others.) We gravitate toward what we know. It's comfortable, even if that means sleeping with familiar demons. The acquainted demons (I'm speaking figuratively here, don't go Emily Rose on me) are far less scarier than anything unknown. It's also why we say things like "Oh, that new artist reminds me of Annie Lennox" -- relate the unknown to the known. Familiarize, compartmentalize. Fill in the blanks if you have to, right? This is way oversimplifying, but the key to deconstruction of the Mad Libs myth is to take it down brick by brick and find all the holes -- trust me, this is easier said than done -- and examine every single blank and ask "is that something *I* filled in or is it a real answer?" Is it justified or rationalized? Empirical or imagined? Fact or fantasy? Sometimes the answers can sting, but it's far easier to live with that in the long run than it is to essentially live a lie or deal with the struggle of perpetually trying to fit square pegs in round holes. I'm going to pick on abusive relationships for a moment because they are a classic example. Women (and men, but mostly women) in abusive relationships stay why? Why, why, why? "Because I love him" -- right? I'm sure that is absolute truth in the eyes of the woman who utters those words, but closer to the heart of the matter is the fight she knows how to fight. And I won't even get to the inherent esteem issues because that's not my focus here, though the factor certainly deserves to be acknowledged. If she took a really close look at the person she's dealing with, she would discover a mountain of Mad Libs myths. "But he says he loves me!" Love doesn't bruise you like that, baby. "He didn't mean anything by sleeping with her!" Oh, but what he proved was that that he doesn't value you or the relationship enough to respect any boundaries. This is part of my conundrum, my frustration with words, actually. They're *just* words, and are meaningless without the substance to back them; but at the same time, there is power in your words. How exactly do those two ideas mesh? So anyway, that's where I'm stuck at the moment. More later, hopefully. Afternoon side note I used to hate leg extensions. They loved me today. Got 5 reps with the stack, which is 255 pounds. Not bad for a girl, eh? I feel, like, all like a Tonka toy or something. 3/3/06 It's an ONA DAY! (eom)    ;) 3/2/06 My heart... There have been times when I've been waiting at a traffic light and I could feel the car rock in a slow rhythm from nothing but the beating of my heart. True story. 3/1/06 Mad Libs! I have this theory about people and relationships... Actually I have a lot of theories (I once thought I wanted to be a marriage counselor, how scary is that?), but this one I find particularly interesting because it's in part a by-product of the Information Age. Let's say you meet someone (the 'how you met' isn't important) that you find really engaging. Maybe it's an instantaneous attraction, maybe it develops like a Polaroid. You find yourself wanting to know soooo many things about this person -- however, your exposure is limited because of hectic schedules, a short length of time you've known the person, physical distance, unfavorable circumstances, whatever. The mind is inclined to fill in the blanks of all the things you don't yet know with whatever it wants to believe to further its cause (could be your desires, or even your fears). You're playing Mad Libs. Well, Mad Libs with a theme, anyway. Ah yes, the mind is a powerful thing. Hmm... next part might be something about deconstruction / demystification. I'll have to think that through a bit though. My new favorite song by Black Lab is "Dream In Color": Kiss me once, just once Well you think it's love, or something close 2/28/06 All hail the FrankenCuda! So my brother has been working (with Dad's help) on restoring / building a 1966 Barracuda (like the one Dad used to have & I used to have, only the most disorienting shade of green you've ever seen) for racing. They got it started yesterday! Check this out!!!! ROAAARRRR!!!!! (11 Mb mpeg) 2/27/06 Baby, it's cold outside! Just stepped outside for a second (6:20 AM locally) and WOW is it ever frigid. 21 degrees here in Charlotte. Watched "Ray" last night. Jamie Foxx did a fantastic job with the role. Also watched "The Pacifier" Saturday... Vin Diesel is hot, but he looks so awkward to me in anything remotely resembling a love scene! Just give the man an M-16 & let 'im do what he does best, eh? Strong like bull, strong like bull, strong like bull........... Sarianah comes home tonight, yay! 2/26/06 Oh, man... I've been listening to the Black Lab CD "See The Sun" and it is just too much to listen to. It is passionate and honest and naked and intense and in-your-face and it has that you-and-I-are-under-the-same-big-sky feeling. Too much... Too much... 2/25/06 Random Saturday coffee thoughts, again Yesterday held a new accomplishment for Ona... I've never been a runner (I was built for strength, not speed -- trust me on this one), but I hit 10.0 mph on the treadmill yesterday. It was only a quick interval, but knowing I can do it now is huge! And then at the end of the day Angie & I went skating. It was CRAZY GO NUTS crowded last night! The winter Olympics games have brought out the rinkrat in a lot of people, apparently! So I managed to go through the first 90 minutes of skating unscathed (had a couple close calls though)... I'm not a bad skater, really. Not a great one, but I'm pretty good as casual skaters go. But this one girl who looked to be about 7 (she was such a cutie) just came at me out of nowhere and there was nowhere for me to go! We had a head-on and both of us went down. I asked her if she was okay, she asked me if I was okay, we were both fine and went on skating... but what was so cute was the look of concern on her face. It was just really endearing for some reason. I love skating (and hockey when I played, albeit not well), but it's (they've) been responsible for some sort of permanent edema and scar tissue on my left knee, a sprained right wrist that still pops, a broken tailbone, calcium deposits on the backs of my heels... but I keep coming back! Is that determination or just plain stupidity? Heheheh... Angie recommended I get a book called The Purpose Driven Life. Sounds like a book everyone could stand to read. Think I'll add that to my list of errands today. If I hear the word "complicated" one more time this week, I will scream. That seems to be the whole world's favorite word right now. Someday we'll all be something more than almost honest. 2/24/06 Vendredi, finalement Friday PSA!! Give someone a hug. You never know who might need it. Recommended family viewing for this weekend: "Rikki Tikki Tavi"! The only quote I remember from this movie is "If you move, I strike; if you do not move, I strike." Hmm.... 2/23/06 Blood, sweat & tears... okay, well, sweat and... more sweat! I've always said that working out with a partner would be a distraction, but working out with Andrea over the last week has actually been a lot of fun! We've laughed a lot and the time absolutely flies. I don't know what's happened to her though. Every time she says my name now it's usually accompanied by a four-letter word! Hehehehe... Ho hum.... Sari's in the shop getting set up. Intonation problems start becoming noticeable around the 4th/5th fret and it's really pronounced around the 12th. Hopefully I'll have her back in a couple days though. 2/21/06 ... What will the world be doing on 11/11/06? 2/21/06 It's official, I hate words. Hey, I wonder what would happen if we could only communicate via songs. Meh... never mind, there would still be a heck of a lot of miscommunication. 2/20/06 "IT'S A TOQUE!!! IT'S A TOQUE!!!" I'm posting a fast-forwarded video of post-game festivities from spring of 2002 -- this was my first NHL game and I went with Joel, Heather, and Jay. We caught a glimpse of Ron MacLean on the way out, and the rest is mostly random Joel-stuff. (It's about 12 Mb, so not recommended for dial-up users.) You won't be able to understand much without a transcript... So here goes: Canadian guy in yellow jersey: "Would you take one shot for the group?" Me: "I would be happy to!" Me: "I'm videotaping!" Joel: "This Dr. Pepper's a lot stronger here in the States, man, I'm telling you!" Ona: (maniacal chipmunk laughter) Heather: "What's that thing?" Joel: "Do you see my ski hat? Wait, back up! Look, it's a ski hat!" Heather: "Look at that ski hat! And you need to go to the beach!" Joel: "Lemme, lemme speak Canadian! IT'S A TOQUE! IT's A TOQUE!" (more maniacal laughter) Heather: "Look at what Tie Domi did! Damn him! Tie! Penalty!" Joel: "No, he's Tie Domi." Heather: "Oh, he's Tie Domi?" Joel: "Look at what I did to myself! Lookit! If I did this to myself, I'll do it to anybody! Wooo!" Heather: "Well, he does say 'Domi' on the back... you're right, baby!" Joel: "Heather..... HEATHER!!!" Heather: "AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" Heather: "Oh my God, I can only imagine our wedding!" Joel: "One! Two! Three! Four! That's it! Ona: "No, you got two.... one...." And.... cut! Mishap of the day Vacuumed up a guitar string that somehow evaded clean-up when I changed the strings on my 12. YIKES! 2/19/06 God Bless the USMC!!!! "One of our own," Cass (right), is over in the Horn of Africa, where two helicopters went down Friday. He's okay, others are not. I pray for the strength and safe return of our Marines in the HOA, in the Middle East, everywhere. You are a special breed. Semper Fi. 2/18/06 A new (vocal) low. My voice is usually lowest in the morning. That's also my favorite time of day to sing. I hit Ab2 this morning, which is a half step lower than usual. You probably won't hear any Toni Braxton notes in upcoming tunes "Asunder" or "In The Doorway" (working titles), but it's nice to know that it can be done. "You & Me." Again. 7 AM, Saturday. Coincidence or cannonfire? 2/17/06 If we all just zipped it...! [crap deleted] [new edit] I'm gonna take my own advice and just zip it! LOL...... PSA of the day: Let your actions speak for you and leave your words as *icing*. P.S. I got to play personal trainer to Andrea yesterday. I think I maimed her. If she's feelin' it today, woooo is she ever gonna hate me tomorrow! P.P.S. Hey Ben... enjoyed lunch. Next time let me get a word in edgewise, mmkay? ;) 2/16/06 Galvanized and ready for a fight! All your base are belong to us!!!!! 2/15/06 Anthem Amanda Marshall's "I'll Be Okay" is one of the best songs this planet has ever heard. Here's to you, Amanda. See you in Act 2, girl. It's time to let you go It's time to say goodbye There's no more excuses No more tears to cry There's been so many changes I was so confused All along you were the one All the time I never knew I want you to be happy You're my best friend But it's so hard to let you go now All that could have been I'll always have the memories She'll always have you Fate has a way of changing Just when you don't want it to Throw away the chains Let love fly away Till love comes again I'll be okay Life passes so quickly You gotta take the time Or you'll miss what really matters You'll miss all the signs I've spent my life searching For what was always there Sometimes it will be too late Sometimes it won't be fair I won't give up I won't give in I can't recreate what just might have been I know that my heart will find love again Now is the time to begin I can't hold on forever baby Can't hold on forever baby Can't hold on forever baby I'll be okay 2/13/06 (Redux) It's already Valentine's Day in Rome So... Bon giorno di San Valentino, or something like that. Over & out! 2/13/06 Monday, Monday... (Moody Monday = Good song by Damien Rice, btw. So are Lonelily, Woman Like a Man, & Cannonball.) A great, prolific weekend. Spent a great deal of time with Sarianah and the fingertips on my left hand are amazingly tender. I'm working on a song that I think is going to turn into a great one... hopefully I'll have a snippet to share in the next week or so. (I already have a working title for the 2nd CD -- wanna know what it is????) ;) Enjoyed a few beers at the Checkers game last night. The new Charlotte Bobcats arena is nice, really, but it doesn't have the same feel as the old Independence Arena. Maybe it's because it was a Sunday crowd (was kinda quiet). It was still a great time though -- hockey is such an awesome sport! It was also cool to see some familiar faces. Ah, but no Joel & Heather. I miss you two so much!!!! Come back!!!!!! 2/11/06 Guess I'm a girl after all. I spent the day engaging in a traditional female pastime: Shopping! It only happens a couple times a year (barring Christmas), so it's far from an addiction... but yep, I'm still a girl! I've discovered three new acts (well, they're new to me, anyway!) in the last couple days. One is Saving Jane, one is Daniel Powter, the 3rd is Days Of The New. Discovery is such an awesome thing, especially when it comes to music. It awakens this Christmas-morning type of feeling, that "I-can't-wait-to-unwrap-this-thing" kid-like feeling. Wow, I'm articulate this evening, eh? Oh well, you get the idea already! You know, I don't think there is a single person in my acquaintance who hasn't wondered at some point why someone was put in his or her life. I certainly have. With some, it's obvious, of course -- a best friend, a husband or wife, a stranger who shows you some random kindness in a moment of need. But what about those who are in our lives for a reason we don't yet know, or one that doesn't seem to make any sense whatsoever? And what if it never does? Time reveals some things, yes, but not all. Perhaps we weren't meant to know some things, or maybe it's not about us at all -- maybe it's about *them* -- their faith, their trust, their troubles, their heart. I don't know, I'm just rambling, really. I pray about these things (let me pause and offer that I cannot claim to be a great Christian, much as I would like to) but one thing I've learned (the hard way and repeatedly) is that I cannot force, move or rush God's hand. Oh wow, this is weird. Jars of Clay's "Frail" just popped up on Launchcast as I was typing that last sentence. :/ 2/10/06 Meet Sarianah. Sarianah is my new Tak 12-string. I've been waiting (by design) to get her and she is finally here! Well, actually she's been here since last Sunday, but anyway... Her sound is, as my friend Kevin would say, VOA (Voices of Angels)! Completely worth the wait, my friends. 2/5/06 Superbowl Sunday! I was out shopping yesterday -- and so was everyone else! Everyone was getting ready for their Superbowl parties! I saw a ton of Pittsburgh paraphernalia, but oddly no Seattle gear, on Charlotteans. Is that a sign, or is the imbalance just because we have a lot more PA transplants than displaced Washingtonians? Lifehouse's "Everything" just popped up on Launchcast. That song just pulls my heartstrings right into next week. That and "You and Me" are two of the best love songs I have *ever* heard. Those guys have an incredible gift. There's another timeless tune that I have on CD by Whiteheart (a Christian contemporary group) called "Gabriela" that is just as powerful. I'll have to take that one for a spin today. I've been eyeing a Tak 12-string for a while. Maybe today should be the day that I quit eyeing it and go get it!!!!! Action, Ona, action! 2/4/06 A breeze, a tease, and a public service announcement! Holy cow, is the wind ever howling outside! It sounds like a movie soundtrack and my windchimes are going nuts! This is apparently quite a storm system we have moving up the east coast. I got some wonderful, miraculous news this week, which I'm just dying to share, but out of respect to all those whom it affects, I'm waiting until there's a bit more of a security zone established. Don't you just hate teasers like that?? I'll share as soon as I get a green light to do so! So Valentine's Day is coming up. One word: Blah! Love stinks, yeah yeah, love stinks. Heheheh... No, really, okay, it's all fun. There's just so much pressure (especially on guys) to observe it if you're romantically involved -- I feel sorry for guys because we pretty much keep 'em guessing as to what we want! Oh, sure, you have your staples, like cards, chocolate, flowers, and all that, but how about what we REALLY want? And I'm not talking diamonds, ladies -- not necessarily, anyway -- I'm talking about the things that touch us in that special place inside. The things that let us know that he does pay attention to our inner workings and silent desires and stuff like that. They're not wired the way we are (as if this is news)! But see, if we TELL them, then they'll just do it and in our minds that didn't require any thought... but if we don't, we end up with socks or a new microwave or something and... well, that doesn't touch my special place all that much, how 'bout yours? My suggestion to guys? Create a new tradition with your special lady, something just between and for the two of you. Maybe go rock climbing or ice skating or bungee jumping! Something that gets your adrenaline up! I remember reading in a Farmer's Almanac many many moons ago that when a group of people were chosen to cross a rope bridge and others crossed a concrete bridge, the ones that crossed the rope bridge were more attracted to one another after the exercise, and the reason was believed to be the adrenaline rush from the perceived danger of the situation. I'm probably paraphrasing pretty badly here, but that was it in a nutshell. How many movies have been based on this premise????? Get some heart-shaped post-it notes, write something really mushy, maybe even cryptically mushy!!! -- and leave them in random places where she'll find them... in the glovebox of her car, inside her laptop case, inside the jewel case of her favorite CD, whatever. Create a custom Valentine's Day CD for you two to listen to during dinner if it's at home, or to listen to in the car to & fro if you're heading out. Then when you get home from dinner, go park!!! ;) 1/29/06 A very introspective day... First off... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BEAUTIFUL MOM!!!!! You can't meet her and then say you've never seen an angel on Earth, 'cause she certainly is one. I'm a tired girl today. Didn't sleep up in the mountains, but we had some awesome conversations about life's little mysteries. Big mysteries too, come to think of it! Life & death, dreams, fate vs. coincidence, the paths God has laid out before us all... Hmmm... now is a good time to tell you a little secret -- there is a hidden something to "Holding" (not the hidden track) that you will find if you know where and how to look for it. I'm not going to give it away, but you'll know it when you find it. It's what "Holding" means to me. Happy hunting! 1/28/06 Random Saturday coffee thoughts Hey look, the guys actually let me have my own page! Woohoo! Hokay, so... I'm goofing off this morning before heading up to the mountains to celebrate my mom's birthday with my family. Lots of things bouncing around in my head, not the least of which is wondering what kind of year 2006 is going to turn out to be. My first answer is "outstanding" and my second answer is "crazy." I'm sure it's NOT going to resemble 2005 overmuch, circumstantially. It has a different vibe to it so far. It seems a lot of people had a rough time of it last year, and I see a lot of optimism around me now. Heck, I feel it too. I feel strong like Jann Arden's "Good Mother." I love her lyrics "feet on ground, heart in hand, facing forward, be yourself." Great tune. My message to you today: You have nothing to lose by doing the right thing. Okay, gotta go pack! 1/19/06 A note from the Muse herself I've been reading & reviewing some feedback on the album from friends and colleagues, and I have to share something... one thing that I consider really cool is that it's NOT all "hey, you're great, Ona, rock on!" Surprised? Don't be. Iron sharpeneth iron. What a blessing it is to not take exception to it, but rather to take it in the spirit it's given -- these thoughts are coming my way from people who take this crazy little passion I have seriously and who want to see me get BETTER at this, all of it -- the songwriting, the singing, the production... and yeah, the mixing, though that's the part I probably enjoy the least. Can't be all fun & games, right? Don't get me wrong, I am not discounting the compliments and praise I've received on "Holding." Those words and sentiments are way closer to my heart than I can really convey here. I feel like there is something HUGE brewing under the surface every time I hear someone say "I love 'Glass'" or "this is awesome CD." To say "thank you" just seems so feeble, but I gotta try. In any case, whatever I'm doing right, I plan to keep doing it! So anyway, this is my little space to tip my hat to everyone who believes in me, everyone who has listened, everyone who has added "Holding" to their CD collection, everyone who has offered their insights and pearls of wisdom on where to go from here. Up up up! Here's to you. Ona